Born Ready to Takeover China

Stephon Marbary better watch out because there is a new Lánqiú zhī shén in China. Lance Stephenson has started his Hall of Fame with 31 points, 8 assists, 7 rebounds and an eye poke. Lance will put up some ginormous numbers as many American players do when they go overseas, but hes also going to be a clown doing it. I can’t wait to finally see what he can do as the leader of his own team. He always was hindered by co-stars like Paul George and Lebron James. In all seriousness I can’t wait to see the shit he pulls and I do love his highlights. That Luis Scola dude had it coming looking at Born Ready in the eyes.

Directed by Alastair "GEE-LOCK" Christopher & Brian Harris for 51 Designz Production Group Follow us on twitter: @geelock @StephensonLance @JAMEL530 @DavidHPhotog www.51designz.com

I've Lost My First 4 bets of the CFB Season, but I'm Not Scared

Bet: USF +11 vs. Wisc.

Final Score: 49-0 Wisconsin

This bet was straight wishful thinking. I thought about how great it would be for USF to come out and beat the Badgers to ruin their college playoff hopes. That is far from what happened as Wisconsin and Johnathan Taylor ran USF into the ground. Taylor has only started two years at Wisco, but it feels like he has been haunting me for centuries. This was more an anti-wisconsin bet than a pro USF, bet. Gotta stop using my heart. It’s going to be a tough fight for the Heisman with Lawrence, Tua, and Hurts this year, but Taylor will stay in the conversation if he keeps this up

😳 That footwork!

TD no. 4 for Jonathan Taylor.

(via @CBSSportsHQ)

pic.twitter.com/0COAPL5RPm

— PFF College (@PFF_College) August 31, 2019

Bet: FSU -7 vs. Boise State

Final: 36-31 Boise

So I am playing some pick up basketball, checking the game cast, feeling pretty confident that the Seminoles will pull of the win for me. Even at 31-19 at half I’m sure they be able to get a couple scores to stay up -7. What the fuck happened in the second half? They got shitted on by a freshman QB, Hank Bachmeir? Blackman and AKers had solid numbers, but looming hurricane Dorian must have taken their focus away going into the second half. This is the only excuse I will give the Seminoles. I should have just taken the first half spread as these kids would only be able to focused so long before remembering eminent destruction. Also would have helped to know that Bachmeir was raised by savages.

Bet: ORE +4 vs. AUB

Final: 27-21 AUB

This was as much of a heart breaker as you’ll ever see. Auburn freshman QB, BO “big balls” NIX with the game winning throw with 9 seconds left in the game wasn’t, but was destined to happen. He will likely become a scrub like all other Auburn quaterbacks (Excluding Scam), but not on Saturday night. He had to be the hero. I’m also pretty fucking mad at Justin Herbert for not putting up a Heisman performance. Thought he was the truth, but he is a mere fib.

𝙉𝙞𝙭 𝙩𝙤 𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨™️#WarEagle x #RidefortheBrand pic.twitter.com/DOV9tdnLYb

— Auburn Football (@AuburnFootball) September 2, 2019

Bet: OU -23.5 vs. HOU

Final: 49-31 OU

This one heart a lot because I was 51 percent leaning towards taking OU. I wanted to believe in Dana and D’eriq. I believed in Hurts and Reilly’s abilities to put up enough points to beat the spread. The defense is what killed us down the stretch. Hurts may have had a historic debut for the Sooners, but it will be hard to regain trust until their defense proves it can hold a pop warner team under 20 points. Also, I still had hope that Spencer Rattler would come in and chuck an 80 yard touchdown to beat the spread in the last seconds.

🔴 20/23
🔴 332 pass yards
🔴 176 rush yards
🔴 6 TDs

ICYMI: Jalen Hurts went supernova in his Oklahoma debut. pic.twitter.com/5NWieMAoQa

— ESPN (@espn) September 2, 2019

We’re bouncing back with ND -18

Hey ESPN, Want more viewers? Bring back Sergio Dipp

It’s the first full weekend of preseason games, and one of the first things I thought of when they sent it down to a sideline reporter was the god, Sergio Dipp. He for sure went into MNF feeling like a babyfaced Erin Andrews, ready to drop some hot scoops. Instead, his brain turned into mashed potatoes, and he puked up gold on National television. MNF lost Gruden then had some fun with dumpster fire, Jason Witten, but what they need to get ratings and viewership up is Dipp. They should lock him up in a closet, let him out with two minutes to prep, and make him go live a few times a game. Maybe turn the lights off in the room so he is even more disoriented than he already is. Milktoast, ESPN is too dumb to see a star right in their backpocket.

“You watch him now on the screen” will never not make me crack up.

Football is Here! Who's Ready to Win Some Money!

I have officially started doing mock drafts for fantasy football season, and my hopes as high as Flash Gordon his first day out of treatment. I’m getting every player I want. This is the year I am going to tear up the league. O I want Todd Gurley and Julio Jones? Sure. I am so good at drafting against robots its insane. And the matthew berry praising kyles think that they are so smart taking a defense in the eighth round, but I just took Calvin Ridley, you idiot. I am talking trash about how I dominated the mock, and that they are all noobs that haven’t played a day of fantasy football in their life. I tell them that I do at least 14 mocks a day in preparation for the season. By the time of my actually drafts I have memorized the order of ESPNs Rankings and am ready to win some big time dough.

Turns out, that’s not how it really works. I end up sweating the whole minute, and have to draft Toby Gerhart in his first season with the Jaguars. It’s the fastest minute of my life, and I black out for 50 seconds until the alarm starts going off. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP… Team Clark selects Peyton Hillis. I don’t even know how I ended up on this player. They are 40 players down from the Auto-draft player. Wait, shit, this player is actually a back up now, and will see maybe three snaps a game? I thought I was going to get a steal in this round? The first moment my plan goes wrong its down hill. I freak out every time, and take a scrub. Round after round, I see the player I want taken by the team right before me. Every time, thinking about spilling my drink on their laptop so they have to auto-draft Paul Richardson.

I go to some dark places to try win a draft even though the auto draft team ends up being the best every year. The last guy I invited to the league ends up dominating while I stress week to week trying to fix my team because my rb-2 lost his job to a rookie. Most of the stress in my life comes from fantasy sports because my job is mindless and I live with my parents, but who cares cause its better than feeling nothing. Now, that’s what sports are all about.

Montrezl is Getting the Rico Hines Bump this Year

Montrezl Harrell was already a contender for sixth man of the year this past season. Now he is following in Pascal Siakams footsteps and showing up to every Rico Hines open run. It’s going to be tough to improve on those scoring numbers on a team with Paul George, Kawhi Leonard, and Lou Will, but the good thing about his game is that he doesn’t necessarily need to have the ball to be productive. The Rico Hines Bump is very real and Montrezl is now the favorite for sixth man of the year. Watch out for a Pierre Jackson comeback too.